help me.
this lifestyle is full of ups and downs...
question is, how can i stay up... if its so easy to fall down?
i know you feel what i feel.
the urge to always be doing more.
it never goes away.
you hit a goal. it makes you feel more human. you’re stress free for a while.
probably the happiest you’ve been in a while.
then. it still feels like you ain’t got closure. there is still so much work to do.
instead of celebrating. you can grind a bit more. print some more $.
up. up. up.
until it goes back down.
physics IS law.
listen...
most great guys at the top truly despise themselves.
i try not to. but whenever i look in the mirror. i see a guy who’s up every night, detached from everything & everyone. living a god lifestyle as a human.
i hate the way i can’t tell what is real anymore.
mixing stims and caffeine makes me tap into my emotions more.
my worldview is engulfed in the flames of hell. and i’m holding back from going mad.
being different on principle.
but when the world turns pitch black. i’m left in an almost half crazed state of mind.
this state. it feels different already.
i’m up. i know it.
but being so deep inside the game for too long. i’m just waiting for the drop.
there is this concept. habituation.
the way you stop noticing things we see often.
the scent of your girl.
the sound of the roaring benz.
the depressed guy staring back at you in the mirror.
any guy habituates to his own level. gradually they don’t even register the pain anymore.
i.e pathetic.
the peak of this life is sniffing ket on the weekend.
pure suffering.
suffering is part of the game.
unless. you make it into a habit.
no top achiever habituates suffering.
he looks in the mirror & the mirror stares back.
“you can always be leaner. richer. sexier”
this is the down. before you’re up.
even though. what goes up must go down.
and i believe there is a opposing meaning of this...
if you are down. the only way is up.
you will ever fall beneath the surface. never.
but you can always do more.
do more. to fly high.
nothing else exists in this state.
it’s up. up. up.
until success.
one must imagine sisyphus happy.
i do believe that it doesn’t make sisyphus delusional.
for me. it means there is a way to turn the weight of the rock into the point of living.
being different on principle. and staying real to the game.
i know i’m building something real.
but like sisyphus. i don’t reach the top.
and i stand on it...
but i’ll push the boulder anyway.
not because the summit exists.
rather. the pushing is the only thing that makes this life bearable.
pain is nothing more than a pendulum we tend to tune into.
live differently.
live for results.
i’ll stay helpless anyway. but you should...
stay schizo.
g2Ø.