DEEP METAMORPHOSIS: The Forbidden Psychology Of High Functioning Maniacs

two psychopaths with a god complex leak exactly how we pay the price for greatness. staying in the mix & deep thoughts that turn into $. and why the voice in your head wants you dead. in 5,000 words.

g2Ø

3:17am. sitting in a cigar lounge. feeling like the most pathetic human being ever. air smells like tobacco & burnt coffee beans.

150mg armodafinil + 5g l-tyrosine + 400mg alpha-gpc + 550mg caffeine. the stack that keeps me functioning on 4 hours of sleep.

might actually be the cure to male depression. i’ll let you know later.

first. let me set the scene...

i’ve found a folder with progress pics of me back in 2024. the real start of my journey.

i don’t fucking know who this is.

is this really me? how deep have i gone? jesus.

sometimes you just need to look back to see what the future brought.

2 years. and that version of myself feels like a stranger. i don’t respect him.

i rarely lose respect for people. at the end of the day... they just don’t know what they are doing. they’ve not experienced real life yet.

same goes to myself back in the day.

i remember i had this urging need to be liked. so i acted like a jester to get people to laugh with me.

sad truth is... i now realise they were laughing at me. not with me.

i was not liked. i was being mocked for who i was trying to be.

hence... why i never really respected who i was. or am.

getting humiliated for trying to fit in is the worst thing a guy can experience. and i know it too well...

although... now i know success is linear. and to get to the top, you gotta experience failures & obstacles. a perfectly straight line never existed. any road is bumpy. no matter where you go.

it’s quite funny to say now...

but i’ve killed that version of myself. he is dead. finally.

& here’s what i want to talk to you about tonight...

sometimes i still feel his presence. he comes out the shadows, every now and then, and tries to fuck it all up all over again... like the current version of me is fake and eventually i’ll be “found out” and sent back to being that normie kid who was scared to take up space.

i believe this is what people like to call the imposter syndrome.

but after dissecting this topic deeply with r3 for months... late night voice notes back and forth analysing how we both transformed into the people we are rn... i realised something...

that feeling of being an imposter? it’s all about understanding how to use it strategically...

the gap between who you are and who you’re becoming? that’s not a BIG problem you’re trying to solve. that’s the actual mechanism of transformation.

a lot of mfs think identity is fixed. you discover who you “really are” and then you live authentically as that person forever. beautiful. poetic... completely fucking wrong.

identity IS fluid. it’s a story you’re telling yourself. and if you’re stuck in the same story for years, you’re not being authentic. you’re exactly that. fucking stuck.

like bruce lee said... you have to think like water.

if you think like water.

meaning... fluidly.

everything in life progresses so so much faster.

me and r3 are about to show you the actual psychology of identity shifting. not the surface level “believe in yourself” bullshit.... the deep mechanical system.

how to kill old versions of yourself. how to inhabit new ones. how to use the imposter feeling as fuel instead of letting it pull you back. everything to change who you are now... into who you desire to be.

it’s time i stop yapping and actually give you the full game... but you need to actually apply this. don’t skip any parts. got it?

honestly... it’ll collapse years of therapy into actionable and simple protocol.

p.s therapy is only for emo bitches anyway.

r3’s gonna drop his perspective now... grab a snus can and listen up... its about to get really dark…

R3

Listen…

There’s something nobody tells you about killing a version of yourself…

It doesn’t die clean.

It doesn’t slip away quietly with a “goodbye” and a handshake. it claws at you. It bleeds into your present at the worst possible moments.

3am.

Dead silence, questioning your existence.

you can’t tell which version of you is even breathing.

adding on to what g20 said about imposter syndrome…

that feeling can feel like a syndrome, but there’s a deeper level to it. It’s not a glitch in the system. It’s what happens when you’ve made a decision about who you are….

and it just hasn’t registered yet. Ur sitting in the gap between the choice and the evidence. And that gap is the darkest place most men will ever stand in their lives.

i know that gap. I’ve lived in it. Not the comfortable version of it. The version where you are mid conversation with someone who has genuine respect with the new you… somewhere in your chest, the old version grabs the wheel for a half a second.

Quiet.

Surgical.

And whispers….

“you don’t actually belong here.”

that voice is the most dangerous thing you will ever encounter in your life.

It barely makes a sound; it’s the quietest thing in the room. And it knows exactly where to cut, because it builds the wound in the first place. It has the map to every piece of you that ever felt small, it uses it without hesitation.

Here’s what i actually believe about identity after years of pulling this apart…

the self isn’t one thing. It’s a hierarchy of competing characters. Every significant experience you’ve ever had printed, one of them onto your operating system.

the kid who got laughed at.

the one who failed publicly.

The guy who swore he’d never let anyone see him flinch again…

they’re all still in there. all of them. still fighting for screen time every single time life decides to get uncomfortable.

most people think growth is addition. Stack more skills. build better habits. Accumulate more wins. Pile enough shit on top and eventually it outweighs the bad.

That’s not what that is.

this is excavation. And excavation means going into the dark rooms. The ones you’ve been stepping around for years, the ones you don’t open because you already know what’s in there and the smell of it makes you want to burn the whole house down.

I had to open mine.

what i found made me feel cold. Because it wasn’t fear of failure. failure i could handle. What I actually found was something far more embarrassing than that. I was afraid of being seen trying… and then failing. which is a completely different disease.

It means your entire operating system has been architected around the audience, not the outcome.

u weren’t living. you were performing a version of living that you thought people would find acceptable.

that’s the actual cage…

now let’s bring it back to g20…

g2Ø

i know what i want.

$, fast blacked out beamers, 1.6:1 shoulder to waist ratio, freedom to do whatever i want and when i want, peace of mind.

it wouldn’t be surprising to me if we shared the same dreams. it’s what every man should be striving for anyway.

interestingly... it ain’t about what you want. rather what you DON’T

that vision is quite scary.

it’s all the things in life that you find repelling. and you already know what they are...

• j*b/business you hate

• body that grosses you out

• girl that pisses you off

• mind that betrays you

this makes the game alot easier. you don’t want your life look this way. so all you have to do is... do the opposite...

• become an passionate entrepreneur who loves what he does

• brutal weight lifting 7x/week + heavy bag cardio

• statusmax until you have enough options & no bitch can hurt your feelings anymore

• get your mental right

back in the day... when someone asked me what i want...

i knew deep down what i wanted... i always knew i wanted to be different to others

but when a question arose... suddenly i didn’t want anything.

the thought of becoming i truly wanted to become. flickering and blurry. like it doesn’t matter no more.

like... there is nothing that will make me happy anyway.

i was already thinking differently. that was the torture of it. my brain had already shifted its entire neurowiring..

i’d consumed too much psychology pdfs that my internal world was operating at a completely different frequency to my external reality. I’m hungry for more.

inside my head i understood buyer psychology better than people making 10x what i was. i could dissect any sales page and tell you exactly which emotional triggers was conveyed. i could read a girl’s attachment style after a dm.

but on the OUTSIDE? i was still invisible.

& that gap... between what you KNOW you’re capable of and what the world currently sees... that’s where the impostor lives.

i never called it a syndrome. more like a symptom of the game. a symptom of being in transition. of already living the life as a man you desire to be v who you actually are... & the dissonance between those two things is genuinely painful.

carl jung called this the “tension of opposites.” holding two contradictory truths simultaneously...

“i am capable of extraordinary things” AND “i have achieved nothing yet.” both true. at the same time. and your psyche has to somehow contain both without frying itself.

most mfs can’t hold that tension...

it’s honestly internally gross seeing a man give up on his dream. i find that sight repelling beyond anything else...

or... fake it so hard they lose themselves in this identity. building a mask so thick that even THEY forget there’s nothing behind it yet. & when reality catches up... and it always catches up... it fucks you up forever.

it’s funny how it works tbh...

if you want to make a person disabled. just give him a pair of crutches... and wait for a few months to achieve your goal...

in other words... if you give someone a free solution for a certain period of time...

they will develop a habit of getting something for nothing.

& the only way through the gap is to sit in it.

& it goes without saying... its very painful.

admit that you’re not there yet & refuse to ever go back.

it’s all mental anyway.

i sit in my herman miller now... but before i was sitting inside of the gap.

& looking back... those were the most crucial moments of my life.

because the identity that was trying to come out.

that identity... is the one that wrote this piece.

the gap didn’t break me. it shifted my mental entirely.

but only because i didn’t run from it.

i ran it.

few.

I know r3 gets it… he is the one that brought me back central… so i’ll let him spill his thoughts on this…

r3

the worst enemy you’ll ever face doesn’t have a fucking face…

It doesn’t appear when ur already down, because it’s smarter than that.

It waits.

It learns your schedule, exactly which hour of the day you’ll most likely to negotiate with urself.

That’s the thing about being your own worst enemy that nobody ever says out loud.

the enemy is frighteningly well-resourced because it has access to every single piece of evidence you’ve ever gathered about your own limitations. everytime you fell short.

It built a case file on you, over years.

it opens the exact right moment.

g20 talked about the gap between ur internal world & your external reality.

that gap is real. I’ve lived in it.

it’s the part that took me the longest to understand…

The gap is neutral.

distance between two points.

What lives in the gap… that’s fucking the enemy.

And what lives in the gap is every story you’ve ever told yourself about why that distance exists.

the ones that let you feel like you understand your own situation deeply…

without requiring you to do a single thing about it.

i used to be dominate at that shit.

i could psychoanalyze myself into complete paralysis. knew my attachment style.

knew the traumas that had wired certain patterns into my nervous system. i could explain my dysfunction with a precision that would make a therapist slowly take notes.

and I still wasn’t moving.

understanding something and metabolising it are fucking two entirely different physiological events.

you can hold a diagnosis of ur own patterns and use it as a shield just as easily as you can use it as a scalpel.

stop choosing the shield…

most people choose the shield without realizing they made a choice at all.

the worst enemy you’ll ever fave is the version of you that has learned to be comfortable with self-awareness as a substitute for self-change.

that version is dangerous because he feels evolved.

he reads.

he reflects.

he will have a rich inner life and an empty external one and he’ll find endless challenging reasons for why that’s okay…

Why is it actually the more conscious way to live?

i watched myself do this for two years.

the intelligence that was supposed to be my edge became the most refined engine i encountered. a smart man can find a credible reason to not do anything…

That’s a cancer wearing the clothes of wisdom.

i stopped asking what was wrong and started tracking what i was actually doing.

i remember sitting with that inventory & feeling something close to revision. there’s a specific kind of shame that only arrives when you can no longer blame circumstances. when you’ve removed every external variable and what’s left is just…

you.

that’s the moment ur worst enemy stops being abstract.

it stops being a concept and becomes a person, a specific recognizable person who has been living inside your body and making decision in your name.

you have to look what he’s built with ur time and ur energy to decide whether ur going to keep letting that fucked loser run things.

most men can’t do this…

they lack the tolerance for how quiet and fun the fix actually is.

you want the rock bottom that forces the shift, the moment clarity is so fucking cinematic you can almost score it.

it has narrative weight…

but sometimes the turning point just a tuesday.

a moment where ur tired of the way your life sounds you narrate it honestly to yourself.

the worst enemy you have is the one that convinces you the quiet pivot isn’t enough.

the real change has to feel like something, that if it doesn’t hurt in a specific way it doesn’t count…

g20 said the only way through the gap is to sit in it. he’s right.

but it isn’t something patient and still and almost peaceful.

it isn’t.

sitting in the gap means continuing to function while something inside you is structurally broken. holding beliefs about who you’re becoming with zero external confirmation that the belief is accurate.

day after day.

in total silence.

against your own doubt, which is the loudest opposition.

because your doubt knows you.

making the case against yourself with the full weight of everything you know about you.

and you have to keep moving…

that’s the whole game.

g20 is sitting in his herman miller. i know what it took him to get there…

voice notes at 2am. no filter.

what he described… that invisible gap between internal reality and external results… i’ve mapped that territory from the inside. and the thing that got both of us through it wasn’t a dumbass technique.

it was the refusal to accept the enemy’s verdict.

because it never stops talking.

you just stop treating it like it has authority to your existence.

g2Ø

r3 just finished off his part... i went out to smoke up a malboro outside... almost dawn, sun beams start hitting my face... its beautiful...

before i go back to taking this scenery in... i need to tell you something...

me & r3 are quite literally anomalies of this world.

this enemy he told you about. he makes it hard to sit down, have a cigarette and relax.

i can’t relax when he is yapping in the back of my head.

how can i?

there is still so much work to do. i’ll either do it. or die trying. and he keeps reminding me.

time passes by. i either do something that will set me up for life. or let it pass by and do nothing.

only one option is right.

r3 mentioned that i should sit with it. let IT linger.

but i’m simple incapable of sitting still, thinking about anything else other than business & letting the clock just tick...

gets to a point i think all this stimulant abuse burned my brain wires out.

it’s possible. taking dosages is a whole different routine now. makes it quite nostalgic to think i was skeptical about adding creatine into my stack back in the day.

20g is the norm now.

there is no chance i’ll ever burn out.

how can one “burnout” if i love what i do. and true love never burns out. it will dim. but you just have to keep the spark alive.

any day is a beautiful day to get tapped in & work on something you love.

as i say that... i’m left with the end piece of my malboro. i flick it into the ashtray. lingering in this made the enemy disappear immediately.

r3 cracks open another modafinil bubble pack to keep the voices down. he gets me.

while i get my mind right. i’ll leave you with a lasting message...

the amount i torture myself is next level.

& i’ll do it on repeat. until it kills me.

i’m willing to make this my only option.

seeing r3 tapping his leg makes me think he is too...

this is a lifestyle.

& with a certain lifestyle. comes a certain price tag.

price varies on how high you are willing to climb.

falling down is inevitable. you know that.

don’t fear the drop. when you’ve a peak to climb. keep looking up.

there is no safety net at the bottom. atleast, it shouldn’t exist if you’re in building mode.

it’s not “if this doesn’t work out. there is always plan b”

there isn’t. if you make the plan a the only option.

plan b will only force you to look down. and see if its safe to keep going up.

it will be never be safe.

but. playing it safe gets you nothing in this life.

only risk takers become something great.

few get this.

imma pass it on to r3... he seems enthusiastic to tell you about this... enjoy.

r3

enthusiastic is one word for it.

a man who cannot be still because stillness for him isn’t rest.

it’s rust.

that specific kind of man…

the one for who the engine never fully idles. is either going to build something the world has to acknowledge or destroy himself in the attempt. There is no third outcome.

That’s the deal. he signed it. i signed it. and if you’ve read this far and something in your chest is recognizing what we’re describing… you’ve probably already signed it too, whether you knew it at the time or not.

he’s right about plan b.

but i want to be precise about why, because most people hear “eliminate plan b” and think it’s a motivational phrase. a mindset hack. something you say to yourself to feel committed.

it isn’t a phrase.

it’s a structural decision with consequences that are permanent.

When you leave the exit open, your brain never stops calculating the distance to it. Not consciously. you don’t walk around thinking about quitting. but somewhere underneath the conscious layer, at the level where your nervous system makes its real decision, it’s always running the math on the backend.

always knowing the door exists.

which means a portion of everything you do is never fully committed. You’re running on 80% because the other 20% is quietly managing the escape route.

close the door.

lock it.

Throw the key somewhere you can’t find it in a bad week.

now you have the full 100%.

100% of a focused human being is a terrifying thing. most people never find out what it feels like because they never got desperate enough to burn the boat.

they kept one just in case…

it kept them mediocre in a way so comfortable they eventually stopped noticing.

g20 talked about the price tag on this lifestyle…

let me show you what’s on the receipt:

you pay in the relationships that don’t understand what you’re doing or why. people who love you in the normal way, who want you present in the normal way, who read your obsession as dysfunction cuz from the outside it looks indistinguishable from it. you pay in versions of yourself that you have to leave behind permanently, with no ceremony and no permission from anyone who knew that version.

you pay a specific loneliness of being in a room full of people and knowing that what’s happening inside your head has no translation into the conversation around you.

you pay in sleep.

in social currency.

in the version of you that could have just been normal…

some days the receipt feels too long.

some nights you’re sitting somewhere at an hour that has no business being awake, running on chemistry and conviction, and you ask yourself a question that has no clean answer.

not “is this shit even worth it.” that question has an answer. the answer is yes and you already know it…

the question that actually keeps you up is simpler and more unsettling than that.

what am i becoming in the process of becoming this?

the transformation isn’t clean.

it doesn’t just add things.

it removes them.

it carves.

some of what it carves away was genuinely good and soft and human, so you don’t always know what’s gone until you reach for it and find the space where it used to be.

i’m telling you this because the people who make it through are the ones who looked at that question honestly and kept moving anyway.

they decided the question didn’t get picked.

g20 said falling is inevitable. keep looking up.

what he means, underneath that, is that the fall is part of the architecture. it isn’t a failure of the plan. it’s a heavy burden.

you fall.

you find out what you’re actually made of in the falling.

not the climbing.

climbing tells you what you can do. The falling tells you who you are.

who you are in the fall is the only thing that determines whether the next climb starts.

so here’s what i’ll end it off with…

not a protocol.

not a framework.

just this.

somewhere out there you’re reading this, that says something about you.

the fact that you made it this far into a piece this dense and this uncompromising says something about you. not everything, but something.

the question isn’t whether you have what this takes.

you already know the answer to that.

the real question is whether you’re willing to find out what it costs.

in full.

with no renegotiation when the bill comes.

most aren’t…

but you already knew that you’re still reading.

few.

don’t look down.

if you’re ready to look up… its now or never.

learn the most insane game from the deep end. high achievers only.

…

g2Ø

r3 couldn’t be more right about this...

whoever you are becoming during the process... is a representation of what you were prioritising it.

if you prioritise the gym. you’ll become athletic & aesthetic.

if you prioritise the business. you’ll become rich & free

if you prioritise the girls. well... maybe don’t prioritise girls.

i don’t want more clingy pussyboys simping over their girl on my sight. there is only harlots out there anyway.

however... the main message is clear…

if something is important enough.

then do it.

even though the risk of failure is high...

...never fear the drop.

this epiphany came to my mind whilst i was on 4th floor sat on my balcony...

meharis burned slowly... it was time to stub it out & lob it outside...

as it was gently drifting down... i stare at the ground it’s about to fall on...

i can’t see it no more... but i’m certain it had a perfect landing.

onto the next one.

what i am trying to say...

don’t fear the drop.

the landing ain’t always going to be perfect.

but at any point... you always have the chance to bounce back.

& reach heights you thought as impossible.

i’m just a 2am crackhead who wants a cig & an incredibly rare look into the raw mind of obsession, misery and deep primal psychology. brute homage. extremely few.

this type of knowledge is at the cost of sanity.

some things i have figured out i wish i never, ever did.

i never knew who are truly are. i don’t think i will ever fully know. but this grandiose self belief than others sit below me. makes me move at a lighting speed.

there is no point looking back.

all i know is that i know nothing.

but i am everything.

there is zero barriers to what i am capable of.

i already paid the price.

now it’s iterating it...

until i reach the top.

very few get this.

stay schizo.

g2Ø.

P.S learn cold manipulation/hypnosis/copywriting/game theory/dating/delusional obsession here

P.P.S …or tap here to get indepth schizo gems on $/aesthetics/females here